I love teaching. I found a really wonderful place to share my talent this last year. I was able to teach part time and spend my days off with Major. We rocked and snuggled. He still doesn't say Mama, but I'm his favorite (in my mind), and I proclaim it proudly. I taught AP US history when a controversial national course redesign happened this year, and man, did I work hard. It stretched me. And, made me think like never before. I have a bachelor's degree. I don't have a masters or doctorate like a number of my colleagues. The awesome administration gave me a chance to shine with a four year degree and a few kind remarks from friends. This next year I signed my contract, and I was going to teach AP US history and another love of mine, AP Human Geography. Heck, my paycheck was going to nearly triple. In teacher pay, it's not a lot. But do teachers really go into the gig thinking...gonna get paaaaaaid! No. The answer is no. From best I can tell, there's no reciprocity in North Carolina regarding teaching certificates. I'll have to navigate finding a way to pursue what I love to do again.
When I told my sweet students on the last day of school, I cried. They cried. Then, one asked if they could pray for me. They circled around me saying the kindest prayer for peace and strength. Then, left me a stack of yearbooks to write in. Happily, I obliged. Those kids, my friends, are our very bright future.
My sweet, sweet Caroline also was able to attend school with me. She would walk in with me to my classroom each morning and draw pictures on my whiteboard, pass out student's papers, chat or play games with my "big kids." They were so, so kind to her. Then, we'd be off to chapel. It is hard to start your day off bad when you hear 500 plus voices sing sweet praises and prayers. She'd sit with her Pre-K class (seven kids) and I'd sit with my high school students. During the Fall semester, she'd wave a million times up to the bleachers just to make sure I was there. Change isn't easy. January rolled around and she began to hit her stride. The waves became fewer as she felt part of the "team" (that is what I called it) of her class. She began talking about her friends. I'd ask her about the best part of her day and almost always, she told me seeing her teacher, Mrs. Keator. She was so loved and cared for and that blesses a Mama's heart.
I adore this part of the country. It's all I know. I'm deeply proud to be West Texas through and through from Pampa, Amarillo, Lubbock, Plainview, and back to Lubbock. Values of hard work, love thy neighbor, and loyalty abound. Never have I ever thought any of them as "stepping stones" to anywhere. I always believed that we would reside wherever we have been placed forever. Thank goodness my babies have Texas birth certificates.
Where I am going to get good salsa and sliced brisket? Seriously, I'm terrified. A great deal of my diet is Mexican food and barbecue. I'm nervous about finding these things plus hairdresser, doctors (I even got Micah going each year to a grown up doctor...do you know what an accomplishment this was?!?), insurance people, and the list goes on. The little things we forget about because we already have those "people" or "go to places" already handy. Market Street. I doubt they have Market Streets.
And, just the support system. I am going to miss our family and friends being a phone call away. I grew up with a number of my family in one place and we had such a close relationship. It's scary to think about being thousands of miles away with small children. Those relationships are going to have to be more intentionally fostered. I know it can be done because others do it all the time. It's just nothing I've ever known.
The process is hard. I'm terrible at goodbyes or so longs or whatever people call them. I don't like living out of suitcases or boxes. I like routine, order, organization, and timelines. I do have people that will start to file into my home with clipboards judging, assessing, and pricing. After the process is over, I will began to see the light. I don't know if we are renting, buying, or building. I do not know whether we will attend public or private schools. Feelers are out in the way of information and application packets.
Here's the light. I married someone very smart. So smart that he's wanted. He cares about all of my feelings. I've been heard. It just hurts right now. It hurts him, too to see me sad. He's excited about his new environment . He has been blessed and grown from his work and mentors in Plainview and Lubbock. We'll be fine. It's a just a move. It's a pretty part of the country. Lots of culture, too. Lots of change.
Beatles Life Goes On As the Beatles song goes, "Oh blah di, oh blah dah, lalala life goes on."
