One month old

Dear Caroline,

As I sit here days after your month birthday, I am watching you sleep and snore in your lamb chair. Your arms are right by your head just like you had them in our sonogram pictures. Besides your daddy, I have never loved anything like I love you, and even that love is different.

On Friday, we celebrated your month old birthday by what else but making you take pictures to document your growth. We even made a debut at Plainview's newest Italian restaurant Fino's to meet up with the Friday night dinner group. You slept through the dinner. Then, we came home, rocked, and took pictures on your lamb mat.

You are still figuring out night and days, but we are seeing more and more improvement as I work hard to make night boring so you will want to sleep. It's hard not to talk to you or kiss your sweet lips during those quiet times! You are very serious about your "groceries" or "snacks" and about the only time we really hear your voice screech is when you are alerting me that I deprived you of your meal in a timely manner. Daddy still laughs at your grunting and slurping noises as you eat. Hopefully, you won't be making those noises in a few years. Right now, they are very funny! You are strong. You love holding your head up off my shoulder, and you use your feet to push up off my tummy as you inch up towards my face. You even like to help hold your pacifier and put your hand on your bottle sometimes.

What joy you have brought your daddy and me! Know that you are loved.

Pictures from our celebration of Caroline's one month birthday



Much love,

Mommy

Three Weeks

Three weeks. It's just going by so fast. In just a few days she will be a month old. I know it's silly, but where does the time go. I really could sit and watch her for hours. I lose track of time as she lies on my chest sleeping. I think I might be one of those mothers that cries out of sheer joy and pride at every accomplishment of Caroline's. I'm already thinking about her leaving for college. Seriously, the hormones need to stop. I've bawled my eyes out all day over all the "what if's."

This past week Caroline had her two week doctor's appointment. She is up to a whopping 7 lbs. This puts her in the 20th percentile for weight. She's grown a smidge longer at 18.8 inches long; she is in the 10th percentile for height. In first grade, we had this program we put on for parents about family. One of the songs had a line in that said, "Good things come in small packages, small packages, small packages, like me..." So true for my Sweet Caroline. I still can remember part of the song and some of the motions. I really liked music in school.

We also had Caroline's pictures made. You can see the photo gallery at http://www.denaehutsonphotography.com/clients/index.php?do=photocart&viewGallery=10147

Denae was awesome to work with. Patience is her virtue. I had to feed Caroline four times during the shoot, followed by a poop on Micah on the black set, and a tinkle on the white set and Denae rounded out our time together. Then, a sleeping baby followed. I love the pictures of Micah and Caroline. So sweet. I look at our family photos and I'm really having a hard time with baby weight. I was getting prepared for the pictures and told Micah to wear this particular blue shirt and I was going to wear this cute white top that had a little extra room in the waist. When I went to try it on the night before pictures, I looked like a sausage squeezed into it. I had to resort to a dress I wore while I was still pregnant. The more I try to put on my clothes the more I am discovering nothing fits. I really feel guilty that I am so concerned with my weight and size. Just a warning...you will probably see the same few outfits rotated until I get the last pounds off. However, Caroline even if my zippers don't zip and buttons don't button don't close for awhile...you are so worth it.

Much love,

Two Weeks In

Have you called me lately only to hear me yawn or think you are talking to a wall? Sorry. I'm learning to sleep at weird times and be at someone's beck and call. Caroline really is such a good baby. She is quite content as long as she has her "groceries," changed, and dressed. She doesn't like diaper changes and baths so far. Caroline's alter ego name is Snackarella...she is VERY serious about eating when the time comes. Yesterday most of our umbilical cord fell off (yippee...it was looking kinda gnarly and we can have real baths)! I really am amazed that it's already been two weeks. It makes me sad. My mind wanders off to her first birthday, first day of school, graduation, college, marriage, then my baby having a baby. Oh my, I'm misting as I type. Hormones...goodnight! Speaking of which, I cry and have no idea why. The radio...cry. Television...cry. Holding Caroline...cry. Thinking of the future...cry. Change...cry. I think I'm even over the top, but I can't help it.

We have had so much help and support the last two weeks. Micah's mom and sister greeted us when we came home and helped the first 36 hours in. Then, my mom came and stayed most of the first week. She took the 12-6 AM shift, cleaned, cooked, and laundered. Maybe I am a little bit of a dictator...by the end of the week, she responded with, "Yes, 'a Miss Colby." After Mom left and I bawled uncontrollably, we went to Midland the next day for Fourth of July fun (fun for Micah and I is getting more sleep with Gido, Gammy, and Aunt Ashlee on duty!). Today we had professional pictures of Caroline made. I know, I know...the child can't go two seconds without having her picture taken! Speaking of pictures, we traveled to Lubbock for our pictures. Man, getting out the door with baby is tough stuff. We are learning to change diapers in the backseat of the car, I almost had to feed my sweet Snackarella in a shady gas station parking lot...alone...luckily she fell asleep after her diaper change. Then, driving home today, I hit blinding rain on the way back the last ten minutes. I prayed out loud for Caroline's safety. I still am amazed that God immediately changes the way I have thought. He just has taken so much selfishness out of me and has replaced it with selflessness. And, I needed it!

Much love,

The Arrival

Tuesday, June 22, I was clearly in a funk. Seriously, did you read my last post?!? I was irritated with Brock from Reba. Clearly, I was not entirely rational. All I wanted to do was sleep and walking really was hurting that day. I went to bed and woke up at my usual 3:30AM for my nighttime tinkle. My sleep pants felt kinda wet. My thoughts were, "Did I tee tee in my britches?" and "Am I a super sweaty girl?" and "Did my water just break?" Now, we went to the child birth classes where we learned about water breaking and the "trickle" and the "gush." I didn't want to be a crazy girl rolling into the hospital thinking she's in labor when I wasn't so what did I do...Google. Isn't Google the answer to all medical questions? When I told Micah I was going to go check on this wet pants business, he mumbled okay and rolled over clearly either not believing me or not hearing me. After Googling what happens when your water breaks, I was even more confused. So, naturally I checked my email and Facebook all wound up from my notion that my water had broken. Back to the potty again, new sleep bottoms wet. I went back to bed just thinking it was all in my head. I mean, I was only 38.5 weeks along. I was already scheduled for induction on July 2. This was not happening. As soon I hit the bed, I heard a pop and there was a tiny gush. Yes, this was happening. I awoke Micah and he agreed that it was time to hit the road. I went to shower at 5AM and the water was off. They were fixing the well our neighborhood is on. Of all times! We were out the door by 5:30AM and on our way to UMC.

When we arrived at the triage labor and delivery room the doctors concluded that my water had indeed broken, and we were going to have a baby on Wednesday, June 23. Photo: Me in triage around 6:45AM.

As soon as I got in my labor and delivery room, I got my IV and they started Pitocin since I didn't have any pain. I walked in at a two and had been in that position for over a week. The contractions kicked up, and I requested an epidural. On of the biggest reasons I asked for one was because I couldn't get up to go tinkle. My mind wouldn't let me go on the bedpan. I tried running water, but just couldn't go. When I got the epidural, they would have to put a catheter in, which I wouldn't feel, but my bladder would empty! I was terrified of the epidural, but it really wasn't bad. Micah sat in from of me and was very positive.

I hung out at a four for most of the morning and early in the afternoon. I wish I had eaten before I had gone in; I was a hungry girl. My epidural wouldn't hit a spot on my left side. My left never got numb like my right side so I was rolled over. I got some really good medicine that numbed everything for about an hour. In the afternoon, I zoomed from a four to a seven, and she dropped way down. Then, in another hour, I went from a seven to ten, and the head was right there! My epidural was not working properly. At this point, I had seen four anesthesiologists! All very nice and bringing me drugs! Thank goodness for my nurse, Stacey, who recruited them to come in and fast since my labor was going so fast! My doctor was called to come in and deliver.

My doctor, Dr. Farooqui, rushed in in dress clothes and twenty-five minutes later of pushing we had our sweet girl Caroline Grace Malouf.



Much love and thanks to God,