Much love,
Monday, December 8, 2008
Can you have it all?
I want the world. I do. I don't know if I am the most selfish person or if I'm normal. I'm not necessarily talking about material things, but true contentment. My thoughts are so complex it's hard to type, but at the same token I just need to vent. I came home Friday exhausted. Absolutely exhausted. I couldn't fall asleep. I just cried. I was tired and frustrated with myself or school or both, maybe. I even dream about lesson plans and my kids. Saturday I spent the day shopping in Lubbock by myself which was a nice release. It cleared my mind temporarily. Sunday was church and such and then I was back to feeling tired and exhausted thinking about work the next day. I really think about teaching as a gift. It's not meant to be easy, but I don't think it's meant to suck everything you have out of you. I feel like a I give and give, and then I come home and think about my kids, worry about them. It's more than teaching them reading and writing, it's social skills and being kind. It's so different than anything I've ever, ever done. I don't know...can I keep this up? When do you become a quitter? When do you say, I can't give any more? Yes, I realize I've been doing this a whopping 5 months. How do you give everything at work, home, and church. I'm at the point where the desire of my heart is to have a family. Can I keep up working at this pace? I don't know. Right now, I really don't know...especially as I had a rude parent note coupled with vomit on the carpet today. This sounds like a Redbook article topic. Okay, enough.
Much love,
Much love,
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
If it makes you feel any better, I totally agree with you. I too had a bad week and don't know just what it is. Thank you for voicing this, it helps to know someone feels the same way you do.
It is such a balance when you give all day. My only advice is God's grace is enough. When I feel like I can't keep it all together somehow God's grace gets me through another day. I'll be praying for you.
I try to keep my job as just a job. Sometimes that means I am not giving my all to my job, but my husband and family are my first priority, work coming somewhere there after. Keep it as a job, as hard as that sounds, so that life after work is enjoyable. I try to do my best while I am here, although many times my heart and head are elsewhere. Especially after God gives you the desires of your heart (a baby!)...it will be even more important to keep the job only at work. I hope you have a better week...just think, Christmas is so sooN! I will be praying for you too!!!
You should completely make a baby and quit your job. Can you tell that I am on maternity leave? You will be the best mommy ever.
Post a Comment