Much love and a sad face too,
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
I don't know...
In my life, I don't think I've ever said, "I don't know" so much. I hate not knowing. I don't like change. I'm trying to be positive, but last night, I ended up in a puddle of tears. I dreaded going back to something I don't know about. I can't enter grades because my gradebook program is messed up, I don't have all this legal-eagle paper work on kids--but clearly there's some out there due to behavior and content issues, and I haven't taught one lesson of social studies. I feel like I'm not doing what I love. I miss teaching social studies. I love, love, loved my job before. I taught what I loved with people I loved. Today, I spent double the hours on math again. I didn't get to science or English. I feel like a failure. And, I'm sneezing all intermixed. There it is. I'm working on not complaining. I just started crying last night during Jon and Kate Plus Eight. Just bawling. I couldn't stop. I freaked out Micah. "Why are you crying now," he asked. I couldn't even give a good answer. I just feel like I'm falling apart. I'm not really writing for anyone to feel sorry for me, I just don't get to talk about this and when I do start to actually verbalize it...I cry so typing is much better right now...
Much love and a sad face too,
Much love and a sad face too,
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3 comments:
Don't be so hard on yourself, it's week two. Things will get easier once you get the routine down. Plus the kids don't know any different, they look up to you. So hang in there. I know you are doing a great job despite how you are feeling.
I know it's hard to leave what you loved behind, but just look at what you have there! You have your husband and a new set of kids that will remember Mrs. Malouf because she was a a little lost at the beginning, but ended up being the best thing that ever happened to them. Have faith and be strong!
This is just your second week of a totally new experience. Nobody is perfect and I know you will do great once you get in swing of things in the fast paced elementary ways. You are a great teacher and you will pull through. You also have a wonderful husband who thinks the world of you to help you through. I know things will get better.
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